THE CRYING GAME

Most people who know me know the two things I hate most are throwing up and crying.  Fortunately I have not done the former for years and hope to keep it that way.  Unfortunately, the waterworks have been turned on since Saturday and have not stopped.

People are coming out of the woodwork.  A friend wrote me an beautiful letter and poem about our relationship.  Another friend also wrote me a love poem and wants to fly in to see me from California.  I can't take too much more of this emo.
As much as I want to see everyone on one hand, on the other hand it's very hard to know that it will probably be the last time I'll see them.  Saying goodbye has never been easy for me.  Even when I know I'll see them again.  This goodbye thing is killing me.

Tom says, "don't say goodbye, say see you later."  Yes, I will see you later, but you won't see me.  I believe when you die you do float around up there somewhere over the rainbow and keep an eye on all those you love.  So....fair warning, be careful what you do and say after I'm physically gone from this earth.

I know it's horrible when someone dies unexpectedly for the ones left behind.  But it sure is easier than knowing your days are numbered, you just don't know how many you're going to have.  Valerie Harper said "don't go to the funeral before the funeral."  Well, that's what I feel like is happening to me.  I can't stop thinking about it and would love to take a pill and just disappear.

I think I'd better stop this now.  It's getting too maudlin even for me.  Just remember if you know someone is terminal (actually aren't we all?) don't keep telling them not to go, first of all they really don't have a lot of choice in the matter and secondly, if they are miserable and have no quality of life, wouldn't it be kinder to just pray that they have a peaceful end instead of encouraging them to "hang on"?  For what?  For them?  Or for you?  Just think about it.

Better days are coming for us all.