What Now!


Today I had another appointment with the oncologist.  This was the fourth appointment.  And it will be the last for awhile.  Just when I was ready to say "let's get this show on the road", the nurse tells me that the doctor was called away due to an emergency and she will go over the treatment plan with me.  She answered my question about how long the treatment would last, would it be the rest of my life, etc. etc.  She said they would TRY some drugs, she wasn't exactly sure what he had in mind, but she would call him at the hospital to find out.

While I waited and Tom, who got tired of waiting and went out to the car, I thought about my options.  Did I really want to just keep TRYING different drugs until we got one that worked?  And keep having scans and keep living on pins and needles?  She poked her head in the door and said she was still waiting for the doctor to call her back and I told her I decided I was going to do nothing until somebody knew for sure what they were doing.

The port consult had to be cancelled due to the weather on Monday and was rescheduled for this coming Monday.  When I got home I cancelled it until further notice.  When the nurse called me at home and told me the doctor said I should get another CAT scan I said NO.  I have an appointment with my pulmonary doctor April 12 and after I confer with him, maybe I'll know what direction I should head into.

Last April 3 I was in surgery.  Soon after a year of fiddling around, we are back where we started.  Is it me or is the universe trying to tell me something.  And if there is a message out there somewhere, could someone please deliver it ASAP