Do You Believe?

Funny how things work out.  I was praying for a sign, for something that would help me with the decision I had to make about whether or not to go back to the Cancer Center.  About whether or not to have the port consult.  About whether I wanted to try the nutrition route.

The Monday I was supposed to go to Lancaster for the port consult it snowed.  I mean it was coming down really fast.  I called and cancelled the 2:00 p.m. appointment.  As it turned out we probably could have gone as the snow let up a few hours before but I didn't want to wait until the last minute to cancel.  I rescheduled for the following Monday.

The Thursday following the snow storm I had an appointment with the doctor at the cancer Center.  I wasn't sure why he wanted to see me because I'd called and told them that I cancelled the Monday port appt. but they said to come in anyway.  So Tom and I got there at 9:30.  I was told to go back to the lab for a blood test.  I had my blood test results from my family doctor from the previous week so they didn't need to test my blood.  Then we went to the examining room to wait for the doctor.  Instead the nurse practioner came in and said the doctor was called to the hospital for an emergency and she would answer any questions I may have.  My first question was "why am I here?"  She said she wanted to go over the treatment plan with me.  I said okay.  She looked at the doctor's notes and realized they were incomplete.  "Oh I'll have to call him.  Wait here, I'll be right back."  About 10 minutes later she poked her head in the door and said, she still hadn't heard from him and she'd call me at home.  At 3:20 that afternoon she called and said the doctor wanted me to have a CAT scan.  At that point I told her I was cancelling the port consult and I wasn't having any more scans.  I said I'd be in touch after seeing my doctor.

I had my sign!  Actually I had two of them.  The snow storm and the absence of any treatment plan.  For me to keep going on this merry-go-round of not knowing what I was going to get drug wise and when it was going to start and for how long, was really wearing me down.  I realized the best plan of action was to get with the nutritionist and get busy on a regimen that would be healthy and not have the hideous side effects of chemo.  At least I would know what I was putting in my system.

My pulmonary doctor was very supportive and agreed with my decision 100%.  He even asked for my nutritionist's name.  He said he's never had a patient who has been so in control and so knowledgeable.  He asked ME what I'd like to do next as far as seeing him.  I said perhaps in July I could have a PET to see how things are progressing.  He said fine.  

In the meantime, eating has become quite an adventure.  I am eating more vegetables than I ever have in my life.  Tonight I roasted eggplant, squash, carrots and onions and everything was delicious!  I am sure my blood sugar is under control, cholesterol must be down since I'm not eating meat or cheese or dairy.  My blood pressure today was 110 over 68.  AND I've lost 9 pounds since March 10th.  I must be doing something right.  And the really good things are;  I won't lose my hair, if anything it will become more shiny,  I won't get chemo brain (lord knows I'm loopy enough),  I won't have to sit in a chair with an IV bag attached to me pumping all kinds of toxins into my body and I won't have to drive back and forth to Lancaster four days a week.

Yes, I do believe.  I believe I am where I'm supposed to be and doing what is right for me.  Thank you God.